Well, I'm almost halfway through my experiment of feasting and fasting for positive change.
The last three weeks have been full of unexpected twists. My company had yet another corporate reorganization (this was about the 3rd one in a year and perhaps the 6th or 7th since I joined the company over 3 years ago) and this time my number came up.
While, I knew that this was a possibility, it was shocking none the less, as it came on the heels of the loss of my nephew. I was sidelined for a few days sorting through the initial impact and determining what next steps I needed to take.
I was grateful that I had my 40 day project in place, because without it, I am almost certain the pull would have been to defult into not so positive ways of dealing with the stress, the fear and the uncertainly. Making not so healthy choices with food, dropping out my exercise routine, etc.
I'm observing how having these positive structures in place IS the thing that is making a difference for me in dealing with all of the uncertainty in my life at the moment.
Happy
If nothing else, the last few weeks have taught me that I have been delusional to thank that I have control over life. To quote John Lennon - "Life is what happens to you when you are busy making other plans." I have most certainly been blindsided by life lately. However, in the face of all this uncertainty and fear, there is a sense of peace I am experiencing. And I attribute it to my mindset.
Rather then focusing on the lack, I started looking at what there was to be grateful for and what the opportunity or lesson was here for me to learn. And while my life might not where I'd like it to be right now, this is what my life looks like right now and there is something to be said for being in your life and present to all of it.
Focusing on the lack and loss (loss of job, loss of income, uncertainty) caused me more fear and anxiety and started to impact my mental state. I went into a state of despair and starting thinking about worse case scenarios and that thinking that this is what I had and it would never change. Not a productive place to be when you have a life to create and the time to do so.
I started focusing on what I had to be grateful for and some days it has been a moment to moment thing to snap me back to being present. I have a really great support system of family and friends who have been checking in and just knowing that I have so many people who love me, are ready to help in any way the can with sharing their networks, their advice, their support has been uplifting.
It's so easy to think we are alone when we area experiencing challenging times, that we are walking this path by ourselves. Reaching out to others and having them connect with me has made a tremendous difference to my experiencing happiness.
I've also experienced some serendipitous moments like my Jesuit spiritual mentor being in LA over the last week. I hadn't seen him in a few years so the fact that he was in town at this particular moment in time when I really needed some guidance and a new perspective wasn't lost on me as being some divine moment of grace.
There have also been new people coming into my life here in LA who have been extremely kind and generous and the opportunity to connect more to the resources of people I have here in LA.
I'm starting to make great friends and have many people looking out for me who want me to succeed and do well. That has made the difference to know that I'm not here in this big city all alone.
And last week, I had the opportunity to do something I love...bring my various circle of friends together to meet and have fun. Nothing makes me happier then being with people I care about and connecting those various people to each other.
Taking the time each day to do something that makes me happy has helped immensely be it reading a book, having a meaningful conversation or exercising, all have contributed to my state of mind.
And when I get in to freak out mode...which I do from time to time, I am seeing pathways and actions for me to take to move me out of that mood or state of mind.
Healthy
Eating clean has provided my body with nourishment, has me experience doing something positive for myself and has kept my brain and mind functioning. Giving up coffee has helped me feel less wired and jittery. I have eliminated coffee, sugar, processed foods and dairy from my diet.
My daily workouts have added a structure and balance not to mention a sense of accomplishment as I am demonstrating focus and rigor and seeing the results, not only in how my body looks and acts (getting stronger) but also how my mental state is effected positively through exercise.
Hot
My daily meditation and prayer practice have also contributed to a calmer peaceful me. Taking the time to quiet my mind, sit and be still and surrender my fears and concerns to something beyond myself has provided much comfort and peace.
Some friends introduced me to a particular type of meditation called Krystic Sound Healing Medication and it has also contributed to my sense of calm and peace that I am experiencing. I've been going at least once a week for the past 3 weeks and it has been making a difference.
I am of the belief that everything happens for a reason and that God is looking out for our best interests...that there is a greater plan at play that we simply are not always able to understand in the moments when we are walking through our challenges.
I will get through this. I don't know now or how long it will take but I do know myelf. I am resilliant, stubborn and tenacious. It's also the time to discover new things about myself, access and tap into new ways of thinking and approaching things.
This has been a lesson for me in patience, trust, faith and surrender. Qualities that do not come naturally to me.
It's also been a time for me to step back and reevaluate my life and ask myself what direction I want to move into next. I moved to LA for a purpose, I wanted to reinvent my life and contribute on a larger scale and now it's time for me to do that. Sometimes we have much to teach others from what we've experienced ourselves.
I've also made sure that I take the time to keep up with things that make me feel beautiful like my manicures, getting enough sleep and other little things I do to pamper and nurture myself.
Having more time has also had me observe many habits and practices that I have that are not effective around how I manage my time, my money, my life. And while all of this has been uncomfortable to look at, I am going to work at completing things and putting new structures in place.
Perhaps to invent a new life you have to dismantle the one you've already built. That's how life over the last six months has been occurring for me. Much loss and letting go of things. However in the letting go the things that have distracted me, I'm in a place to examine my life, determine what things are no longer a fit (habits, practices, relationships, thoughts, beliefs etc.) make the necessary changes and take the actions to move my life into a new direction.
I started that path by moving myself to LA. Now the real work begins.
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